then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
