I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
