what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
