it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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