On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
