When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
