even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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