I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
