guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
