The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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