You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
