I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
