I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
