what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
