So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
