I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
