I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
