I wish I only lived at night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
