she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
