I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
