I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
