he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
