I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
