I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
