If you die in college, do you die in real life?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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