I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
