I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
