Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
