90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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