This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
