Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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