If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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