Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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