i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
