Banned from zoo.
Again?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
