The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
