The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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