Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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