I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
