What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
