are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
