What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
