What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
