I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
