Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
