Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
