she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
