he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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