hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
