Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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