You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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