I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
