Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
